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#997: «Wait Wait»
Stockpiled in case Peter Sagal, host of NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, does something newsworthy in 2012.

(Series of above-the-fold newspapers follows; Each has a headline, picture in most of them, and an explanation)

Wait Wait Don't Shoot Me
[A fierce Peter Sagal in a balaclava brandishes a gun in a supermarket]
NPR's Sagal in Whole Foods hostage standoff.

Wait Wait Don't Vote For Me
Peter Sagal quits race for GOP top spot
[A sullen and defeated Peter Sagal surrounded by supporters admits defeat]

Wait Wait Don't Judge Me
Sagal opens up about his Kermit fantasy.
[Stock profile images of Peter Sagal and Kermit the Frog]

Wait Wait Don't Fire Me
[Stock profile image of Peter Sagal]
Peter Sagal let go after racist tirade.

Wait Wait Don't Cancel Me
NPR axing news quiz.
[NPR spokesperson delivering announcement]

Wait Wait Don't Interrupt Me
Sagal stabs Carl Kasell in on-air dispute.
[Peter Sagal mid-attack with a knife]

Wait Wait Don't Look At Me
[Peter Sagal with a skin condition]
Peter Sagal's Poison Ivy Ordeal
Peter Sagal: "My 'Nam"

Wait Wait Don't Friend Me
Peter Sagal deletes his Facebook account.
[Person holding up a laptop with an "Facebook account not found" screen]

Wait Wait Don't Seduce Me
How Lakshmi Singh stole Sagal's Heart.
[A wistful Lakshmi Singh being left by a sullen Peter Sagal]

Wait Wait Don't Leave Me
[A wistful Peter Sagal being left by a furious Beth Sagal]
Sagal's wife out after affair

Wait Wait Don't Spray Me
Police Raid Sagal's Occupy NPR protest
[Scummy policeman in riot gear spraying Peter Sagal in the face point blank with what is essentially a food product]

Wait Wait Don't Indict Me
Sagal, five others named in cash-for-tote-bags scandal 
[Peter Sagal doing a perp walk]

Wait Wait Don't Clone Me
Peter Sagal 'Outraged' over DNA harvesting.
[Fiery Peter Sagal, missing a small amount of DNA, at a podium]

Wait Wait Don't Bust Me
Peter Sagal's ghost captured
[Ghostbusters, careful not to cross the streams, capture the ghost of Peter Sagal]

Wait Wait Don't Dissect Me
Snoozing Sagal nearly snuffed in autopsy snafu
[Peter Sagal running away from from a very surprised pathologist]
Peter Sagal: "I ain't dead!"

Wait Wait Don't Objectify Me
Peter Sagal is more than just a piece of meat

Wait Wait Don't Beatify Me
[Peter Sagal shakes his fist at a picture of the pope]
Peter Sagal Rebukes Pope

Wait Wait Don't Me
Peter Sagal Accidentally
[Peter Sagal in a blank vacant]

Wait Wait Don't Speak Its Name
[eyes... Eyes... AAAHHH]
Peter Sagal wakes Eldritch terror
Peter Sagal:"AAAAAAAA"

Wait Wait Even For NPR This Is A Bit Much
This American Life to document the road to recovery for those who suffer the trauma of losing on Wait Wait

You can't stab Carl Kasell. He sounds all slow and stentorian, but he moves like a snake.